What Coercive Control Looks Like In A Relationship

Coercive control is a type of mental abuse that is typically difficult to identify; however, it greatly impacts those who are affected. Physical abuse tends to be visible, coercive control works with little signs of manipulation, which makes it difficult for victims to realize what is happening to them. To prevent being in a situation where you are being controlled in this manner, it’s crucial to understand what coercive control can manifest as.

Defining Coercive Control

Coercive control is a process through which one partner tries to control the other using threats or force, isolates the partner from social interactions, and uses psychological abuse. It can be used to control the partner’s independence, decision-making, and sometimes even their self-esteem. Coercive control is not as easy to identify as physical abuse since you can’t see it, but it is just as destructive and it occurs in secret.

Signs of Coercive Control

1. Isolation from Friends and Family

One of the primary tactics in coercive control is the abuser isolating their partner from friends and family. This can happen gradually and can be a very gentle transition. Sometimes the abuser will make the victim feel bad for associating with other people. This will cause the victim to slowly start distancing themselves from these people.

2. Monitoring and Surveillance

Those who like coercive control tend to monitor everything their partner does. This can involve repeatedly looking through call logs, messages, and social media pages. The abuser may install malware on devices just to be able to track everything the victim does at all times. Having the tracking for the victim can help maintain control over the victim’s actions.

3. Financial Control

Another typical type of abuse in coercive control is financial abuse. The abuser may control all financial resources, limit access to money, and may require an explanation for every penny spent. Controlling the victim financially makes them more dependent on the abuser, thus making ending the relationship extremely difficult.

4. Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting

Emotional abuse and gaslighting can play a significant role in coercive control. The abuser may constantly yell at the victim, in such a way that the victim feels worthless. For example, there is gaslighting, which involves making the victim doubt themselves and their sanity, and thus become more dependent on the abuser as time progresses.

5. Intimidation and Threats

Intimidation and threats are also used in coercive control, and these may be explicit or subtle. They can range from threats of physical assault, and harm to the victim’s relatives, or to revealing information concerning the victim to the public. The purpose behind the threats is to make the victim afraid and force them to obey anything the abuser says, which will make them feel helpless.

6. Control Over Daily Life

The power that an abuser holds over the victim’s life ranges from what they should wear, how they should spend their time, or even with whom they should associate. This type of control can also include decisions over their career, education, or interests. All of these chip away at the victim’s confidence and sense of self.

Its Impact on Victims

The emotional impact that victims usually report includes extreme emotional stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and many more symptoms. Depression occurs from the constant manipulation and surveillance. This can result in feelings of helplessness and altered perspectives of reality. Usually, as time goes on, the victim is left with no friends or family on their side, which makes it extremely difficult for them to leave the situation.

Recognizing and Addressing the Abuse

Identifying coercive control can be a tiresome process because more often than not, it’s masked as care. However, if one becomes aware of these signs, they can easily recognize when this happens to them. If you’re unsure whether you are experiencing coercive control, reach out to family, friends, or a professional that you can confide in so you can help figure things out.

Final Thoughts

Coercive control is when an abuser strips the victim of their personality and liberty. For those who feel they are trapped in a coercive control relationship or situation, asking for help and support from friends, family, or professionals is a great step towards getting your life back.

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