Secrets are bound to be part of people’s relationships. There are always things that some people might decide to keep to themselves including a surprise party, personal goal, or a past incident. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, a question arises. Does it make more sense to have secrets from the partner? This article discusses this issue based on the effects of secrets in relationships, the possible effects, and when exactly one should consider sharing or holding a secret.
The Nature Of Secrets In Relationships
There are different types of secrets. Some do not harm while others are dangerous. There are those minor secrets that if kept and implemented come as a surprise such as planning to buy an anniversary present for your partner. While minor secrets like surprises or hobbies are harmless, major secrets such as past betrayals or dishonesty in business, affairs, or anything that affects the relationship can lead to a lack of trust and closeness. Thus the first step to tackling the secrets challenge is to understand what it is and how it may affect you and your partner.
One should take into consideration the reason why the secret is being kept. If the goal is to spare the partner some unnecessary stress or to keep something that would otherwise be a disappointment a secret then it can be considered benign. But if the purpose of this is to avoid conflicts or cover something that can negatively affect a partner, it can be more of a problem.
Secrets and Their Effect on Trust
It is common knowledge that trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. If secrets are being kept and it is revealed later that the information should have been disclosed, then this trust is eroded. For instance, one of the partners may discover a secret debt or an issue with a past relationship and he or she may feel let down. Although the secret may have been kept with the best of intentions, sharing the secret leaves the spouse feeling insecure and doubted.
On the other hand, some people claim that not all secrets are bad. It may be necessary not to disclose a small secret to avoid unnecessary stress. The idea here is to assess if the secret will be beneficial or detrimental to the trust between the two parties. Love is all about being honest to each other and as much as possible, communication is important, so secrets that block these communications must be avoided.
When To Share and When To Withhold
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Sometimes, it becomes hard to determine whether it is right to share a secret or not. This majorly depends on the consequences that are associated with sharing the secret. Ask yourself if the secret relates to your partner or the relationship. For example, trauma could be shared to deepen trust in a relationship, whereas trivialities like a favorite color could not. It also concerns time, that is when exactly it is more appropriate to be involved in a certain activity.
Disclosing the information when the environment is peaceful and the individuals can have a rational conversation is preferred as compared to the time when the couple is angry or under pressure. Timing is preferable because it enables the parties to have a more rational and strategic approach to the information to be relayed rather than having the information twisted against you in a moment of anger or irritation.
What are the implications of sharing the secret on trust? If the secret deepens the trust between you and your partner, it’s helpful to share. On the other hand, if the secret means something that might cause your partner insecurity or make him or her feel betrayed then it is advisable to tread carefully. It is important to consider the decision to keep or share a secret with your partner and how it will impact the general well-being of the relationship. Being honest is important, but it has to be done in a manner that does not harm the trust which forms the basis of the partnership.
Final Thoughts
Although some secrets can be innocent, some might harm the relationship. It is important to consider the decision to keep or share a secret with your partner and how it will impact the general well-being of the relationship. Being honest is important, but it has to be done in a manner that does not harm the trust which forms the basis of the partnership. Make sure to communicate openly and honestly with your partner.
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