Love bombing hasn’t always been associated with friendships. However, as in romantic relationships, love bombing does appear. Love bombing is when a newly minted friend wants to be your BFF. They want to spend an incredible amount of time with you, so they call you constantly throughout the day. They buy gifts that you may have expressed a desire for.
But instead of feeling the love, you feel crowded or trapped. Your gut says this is too much, too fast. Whoa! The old saying, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is,” is a good way to describe love bombing. We should always be cautious of new people, especially if they come bearing gifts, compliments, or excessive attachment tendencies.
There is usually a cause for everything, including love bombing. When someone seems overly friendly, overly generous, and overly attached, they’re probably a love bomber.
They Just Love Everything About You.
In their eyes, you can do no wrong. Well, technically, we are all flawed human beings. None of us is perfect, and we’re all capable of wrong. But nope, to the love bomber, you’re just the perfect specimen. All your jokes are funny, and all your words are wise and intuitive. You are their favorite person.
You’re the best friend they’ve ever had, and now that they’ve found you, they just can’t let you go. You’re their number one, and they’re your ride or die. This friendship may feel creepy to those who can spot a deciever, but some believe the hype. They believe the love bomber’s love for them is sincere. Here are 5 red flags that’ll uncover a love bomber.
They Want To Spend Too Much Time With You.
The love bomber may have other friends, but they consider you their main friend. They’ll put other friends on hold to talk to you. It seems you’re always on their mind. I’m an early riser, but I had a love bombing friend who would call before I could get out of bed. Excessive calling at all times of day is a sign that something isn’t right.
If someone has to talk to you first thing in the morning and then throughout the day, this is a sign of lovebombing. The Bible speaks of inordinate affection, which means excessive or beyond limit. It’s time to start thinking that maybe this friendship is a trap.
They’re too Intrusive.
Another word for intrusive is nosy. Love bombers want to know everything about you. Even though they may’ve just met you, they expect you to reveal personal things about yourself. They usually lead the way by telling you “secrets” that they’ve not told anyone else because you’re the only person they can trust.
They tell you about their family trauma, and if they’re married or in a relationship, they expose personal details about their significant other. They talk about their partner’s bad habits and share their disagreements. You become their confidante because you’re such an amazing friend.
They ask for details about your other relationships. There’s no subject off-limits because they’re your best friend, so you should trust them without question. First of all, you shouldn’t trust anyone unless they’ve earned your trust.
Secondly, you haven’t known the love bomber long enough to decide if they are trustworthy or not. So essentially, they want you to blindly trust them without any evidence that proves they deserve it.
They Usually Speak Badly Of Others.
More often than not, the love bomber has been in several friendships that have ended badly because they’ve love bombed others who found them out and kicked them to the curb. So, they probably talk excessively about who did them wrong after they’d done so much for them.
They go on and on about how they were such a good friend and gave them X, Y, and Z, but the other person was so awful and turned on them, maybe even ghosted them. Shocking.
They may badmouth mutual friends or people you both know. Love bombers are loquacious. Be leery when someone chatters too much, especially about others; it’s friendship’s cardinal rule: If they talk about others to you, they’ll talk about you, too.
They Want To Give You Too Much.
Not only do they want to spend an excessive amount of time with you, but they also surprise you with gifts. They offer to pay for outings, such as coffee, lunch, or dinner at a fancy restaurant. Sometimes they’ll disguise it as being a good Christian, someone who’s a giver because God always blesses those who give. They’ll say God rewards them; therefore, they offer.
Or they do it in the name of friendship because there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for a friend. When you feel more obligated than free, trust your hunch. Say no, even though they claim God is behind their actions. The best thing to do around a love bomber is to trust your instincts. If it feels like it’s too much, it usually is.
There Are Takeaways From The Love-bomber.
There are life lessons to be learned from every situation. Here’s what you can learn from love bombing. When a person exhibits this behavior, it can be a sign that they want to control you by controlling the nature of your friendship.
If you consider the 5 red flags, all of them are attempts to reel you in. They present to you a false sense of loyalty by pretending they’re your greatest friend, they love you, and they should be trusted completely.
Since they prefer you above all others, they trust you with their deepest, darkest secrets and confide in you their feelings about other people. Then, once you feel comfortable around them and they’ve gained your trust, you notice a change in their behavior. They’ve gone silent. You don’t hear from them much.
They want to flip the script. They’ve worked to make you dependent on them because they want to control the relationship. You may be dealing with a narcissistic person, someone incapable of caring for others.
Don’t Be Controlled.
Control leads to manipulation. If they can control you, they can probably manipulate you. What’s the difference? Manipulation involves deception, whereas control speaks of influence. The love bomber will probably tell others things you’ve told them in confidence because they were never trustworthy. You feel betrayed and block them on your iPhone.
If the narcissist is triggered by people walking away, they may email or message you nonstop. They may even stalk you to win you back. If you won’t budge, they may spread false rumors or even sabotage you because they feel you crossed them. They crossed you, but to them, that’s beside the point.
Finally, Say Goodbye.
Remember, you can unplug from any friendship that doesn’t suit you well. Once you’ve been enlightened that someone is not a true friend, but a fake one, it’s time to say goodbye. Be nice, but cut to the chase. Tell them it’s been fun, but you’re now focusing on other things and won’t have time to hang out.
If they don’t like the tune of that, it’s not your problem. You are in control of your life, not others. Let them figure out their next victim, while you keep moving into real, sincere friendships, with no love-bombing allowed.
