To maintain healthy relationships, everyone needs to incorporate non-negotiables. They are like standards. If you have none, you’ll accept anything. A non-negotiable can’t be a blurred line; it must be clear. It’s what you won’t tolerate in a relationship. If you won’t tolerate lies, disrespect, or abusiveness in any form, make it clear from the beginning. And if it happens, end the relationship.
Non-negotiables keep you safe from behavior that’s inconsistent with a loving, kind, and supportive relationship. Make your non-negotiables known early on. Once you convey them, stick to them. If one is violated without consequences, others will be violated as well. The following are 5 non-negotiables for a healthy relationship.
Disrespect
Every human being deserves to be treated respectfully. However, some people will rob you of respect if you allow it. Mutual respect is an important factor in healthy relationships. It’s a common courtesy to respect people, even strangers. It goes without saying that you should respect those with whom you have a close bond.
When someone is critical, sarcastic, spiteful, or argumentative, that can be disastrous to your emotional well-being. When people display uncaring, unkind, narcissistic habits, it goes against a healthy, safe space for relationships to flourish. If this is a non-negotiable, limit this person’s access to you. Healthy relationships won’t thrive in a disrespectful atmosphere.
Untrustworthy
It’s impossible to have a successful relationship with someone you can’t trust. At the beginning of the relationship, you should let them know how important honesty is to you. And let them know that at the first sign of dishonesty, there will be consequences. If that means that the relationship is over, then delete their number, block them, and don’t respond to their texts, emails, or DM’s.
You must follow up on whatever consequences you determined. Untrustworthy people have usually been that way for a long time and find it difficult to break old habits. You could recommend therapy or counseling to them. That way, they can receive help, and their habits won’t ruin your happiness. Healthy relationships are built on honesty and trust.
Non-acceptance
Accepting people’s differences is a key to healthy relationships. Every individual is unique, but their uniqueness doesn’t have to be criticized and punished. When you make this unhealthy pattern a non-negotiable, don’t accept it in any form. For example, when someone gives backhanded compliments or suggests you should change in certain areas, they’re lacking acceptance.
Relationships should be affirming for both individuals. Relationships shouldn’t tear you down; instead, they should lift you. If there are things that need attention, they can be handled constructively in a non-critical way. Sometimes you must warn a person that you won’t tolerate a behavior when you first see it. Give them the consequences if it happens again, and follow up.
Undependable
What good is a relationship when you can’t depend on your partner? It’s a common non-negotiable when someone is consistently unreliable. There may be excuses that seem sensible at first, but once a consistent pattern has been established, it’s a non-negotiable. Dependability and trust go hand in hand. So they’re typically violated at the same time.
Healthy relationships will never thrive when someone isn’t dependable. If it’s a romantic relationship, it may mean moving them to the friend zone.
Abusive
When someone is abusive in any way, emotional, mental, sexual, or physical, it should be an automatic, non-negotiable. The relationship should end immediately. Oftentimes, if you tolerate the first instance of abuse, there will be more. Healthy relationships don’t include abuse. Seek counsel if you feel you’re “in love” with your abuser to get clarity on what true love looks like.
Let it be known at the beginning of a relationship that you won’t tolerate abusive behavior, or at the first sign it appears. Then end the relationship safely and move on.
Final Thoughts
Healthy relationships include non-negotiables that differ among individuals. You must decide what you cannot tolerate in a relationship, and enforce the consequences. Respect, trust, acceptance, and dependability should be expected in any healthy relationship. These are standards that should be required.
Abuse should never be tolerated. Keep a list of your non-negotiables. Let it safeguard you from the strain of unhealthy relationships.
