Everyone wants to be heard, seen, and understood, especially in relationships. Being with a partner who is actively present in the conversations you have, and constantly trying to be a better listener is one of the basics to build a healthy connection. It can also strengthen the bond between you. That being said, people sometimes fall into the trap of passive listening for various reasons. It can be intentional or unintentional, but in both cases, it can potentially strain the relationship as one wouldn\’t feel as acknowledged and cared for if they\’re not even having the chance to be actively listened to in the first place.
The Definition of Active Listening
In day-to-day interactions, some people find themselves taking part in conversations in which they are listening but not learning anything. This often occurs due to being a passive listener in which one does not lend complete attention to the other party during the discourse. This causes a rift in communication and often leads to a sterile conversation.
On the other hand, being an active listener means that one is not merely listening to what the other party is sharing; but also sympathizing, caring, being attuned to their thoughts and emotions, and trying to be a better listener all around. Active listeners do not start any conversation with the sole purpose of proving their point. They view conversations as a non-competitive, two-way interaction in which both parties are given the floor to express all they have in mind while being acknowledged and listened to. Healthy conversationalists do not try to use conversations as a power-play, it is always conducted with the intention of learning something about the other party and themselves equally.
Becoming a Better Listener
Show That You Care Verbally and Non-Verbally: Through conversations, people are trying to connect with you by sharing about themselves or something important to them, and potentially to you. To be a better listener, you need to show that you are engaged, they have your full attention, and you value their time as well as their effort to communicate with you. It can be executed through verbal cues such as I hear you, I understand, go on, I see…etc. As for non-verbal cues, they mainly are associated with your body language; posture, eye contact, facial expressions, and gestures.
Listen To Understand Not To Argue: People often fall into this mistake while having conversations, especially with partners. You need to constantly remind yourself that conversations are mainly to hear each other out and reach a middle-ground solution. Through practice, it will become second nature to you and you will become a better listener. Try not to interrupt the other party, and listen mindfully with the intention of understanding where they\’re coming from, building a stronger and healthier bond.
More Tips
Be Mindful of Your Reactions: Expressing oneself can be extremely challenging and it is a vulnerable step. In order to be a better listener, make the interaction fruitful. Build a safe and non-judgmental space for the other party; you have to learn how to control your reactions. If you feel that you need some time to thoroughly grasp their words so you can give them a suitable response, ask for that. You have to avoid losing your temper or becoming defensive as it can block any future communication attempts or scare them away from talking things out with you.
If Confused, Ask Away: One can\’t pick up on all the nuances of the other party\’s words all the time, so it is absolutely normal if you find yourself lost in the middle of the conversation. Try not to interrupt them as they\’re speaking, but before they move on to the next point, address your confusion and ask politely for further clarification. This practice will help both parties to remain on the same page, ensure the other party that you\’re fully interested in what they\’re sharing, that you\’re willing to understand them, and that you\’re a better listener.
Active Listeners Give Active Feedback: It is crucial to give feedback after the other party finishes expressing themselves as it ensures that you were entirely present throughout the conversation. Normally, you will have things to comment on or expand on. If the situation does not require that, you simply can thank them for giving you their time and sharing their thoughts and feelings with you. Your gratitude for their effort to build a connection with you will further strengthen the bond between you two.
Final Thoughts
In conversations, one is not only required to talk but also to listen. If not, then it will become nothing but a competition of shouting. There is nothing wrong with not knowing exactly how to listen, but as an adult, you have a responsibility to learn how to be a better listener. You cannot lead a healthy and flourishing life if you can\’t communicate, listen, and acknowledge the thoughts, feelings, and needs of those around you, both personally and professionally. To listen is to learn, and learning is a lifetime endeavor.
Disclaimer: This article is intended simply to provide information. It does not replace the medical advice of a physician. Please speak with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns.
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