Feeling anxious about relationships can be frustrating, draining, and sabotage personal connections. While anxiety is often debilitating, it is also normal to feel some level of anxiety about relationships. There are reasons why people may feel anxious about connecting, and some could have truth. Discover why it is alright to experience anxiety, why it happens, and what you can do to move forward.
Why Do You Feel Anxious?
Anxiety can happen at the beginning of a relationship or after spending a long time together. According to Shelley Sommerfeldt, PhD, clinical psychologist and relationship coach, relationship anxiety is “when someone experiences doubts, worries, and second-guesses their relationship or partner.”Many thoughts can lead to anxiety, such as considering whether your partner still loves you. Other concerns could include feeling unsure about whether your partner still finds you attractive or if they will find someone they love more than you.
What Causes Relationship Anxiety?
Feeling anxious about your relationship can happen for various reasons. Some might be valid; others could be your perception of the situation or yourself. These can include fear of losing your partner, concern about opening up, self-esteem issues, and past trauma due to former abusive relationships.
Other issues can include mixed signals from an uncommunicative partner, loving someone so much you fear losing them, unrealistic relationship expectations, poor communication, resistance to healthy conflict, and anxious attachment styles. A lack of independence can make a person feel like they are losing their independence in a relationship.
How Can You Tell If You Feel Anxious?
Worrying constantly about your relationship or feeling disconnected are signs of anxiety. Sometimes these feelings can lead to physical issues, such as headaches and an upset stomach.Sometimes, you might feel unmotivated to take any action to improve your relationship or feel hopeless about your future together. In other situations, you might start conflicts or arguments to sabotage what you feel is a failing relationship, driving you away from your partner rather than finding resolutions.
Is It Normal to Feel Anxious?
Dr. Amanda Zayde, clinical psychologist at the Montefiore Medical Center, said, “It is important to note that everyone has some relationship anxiety, and that is to be expected.” While concerns are typical, it’s time to take a personal inventory if they become over the top.If you constantly feel concerned, feel unstable with impaired judgment, and have trouble focusing on daily routines, it’s time to reassess. Other signs of difficulty include fatigue, reduced motivation, and feeling sad or lonely in the relationship.
How Can You Get Past Anxiety?
While feeling mildly anxious about your relationship might be normal, obsessing about it can lead to physical and emotional problems and ultimately end the relationship. If you find yourself pushing your partner away, constantly checking on your partner’s behavior, or always feeling emotionally upset, it’s time to make changes.
Conclusion
Communication is key to building solid relationships encompassing both partners’ needs and desires. Understanding your feelings and past trauma and establishing and maintaining your identity can also help bring you together in a healthier way. If problems persist, consulting with a counselor can help you communicate more effectively and understand any emotional circumstances that could cause issues in your relationship.
Minor relationship anxiety is normal and, with proper communication, can help build stronger relationships. However, when those anxious feelings are constant and lead to arguments, lack of self-esteem, and division, it’s time to figure out the underlying problems. Maintaining your identity and learning how to communicate effectively can alleviate relationship anxiety and help you build a stronger bond. However, if the anxious feelings continue, consulting with a therapist can help you get to the root of the problem.
