I Peter 3:15 says you should have an answer for the hope you have within. In other words, you should be able to articulate a reason for actions guided by your beliefs. Whatever you do should be done with purpose and intent. Dating is no exception. If you’re dating just to date, you’ll be disappointed, rather than delighted.
However, if you date with intent and purpose, you have a clear goal with a plan in mind to achieve it. Your faith reveals your core values. When you live by biblical principles, you date others whose values align with your own. Here are some guidelines to consider when your faith is involved in dating with purpose.
Don’t be Unequally Yoked
The Bible counsels believers in 1 Corinthians 5:16 to not be unequally yoked or joined in marriage with unbelievers. The Bible doesn’t provide any specific guidelines on dating. But today, dating helps people get to know each other as they progress toward the marital stage. As a Christian, your life should include seeking God, prayer, attending church, and being led by the Spirit.
When someone you date doesn’t care for any of those things, it should signify that person’s not the one. To date with a purpose is not wasting your time or someone else’s time. You shouldn’t start a relationship that’ll only end in heartache. Instead of a meeting of like minds, it’ll be a clash of the Titans.
Purposeful dating means you date individuals with the same core beliefs and values. You may both like sports, but church attendance is more important to you. However, if the other person disagrees, you might enjoy the Friday night football game, but your values will become points of tension in the relationship.
Be Led by the Spirit
According to Galatians 5:16, you should be led by the Spirit and not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. As a person of faith, you aren’t to be flesh-ruled. This means your dating choices aren’t based solely on their physical qualities. They may look good, but they may not be good for you, especially if your beliefs are not in sync.
Do their life principles match yours? In other words, is the relationship sustainable beyond physical attraction? Your faith must be involved to make wise choices. Proverbs 3 says that God will direct your path when you put your trust in Him. Pray and ask God to lead you to the right person and trust Him to do so.
Consider Yourself
The Bible says in Galatians 6:1 that when others fall, we should consider ourselves lest we make a similar mistake. This means no one is perfect, so instead of judging others’ failures, we should encourage their restoration. People of faith don’t judge others because of their imperfections, because we all have them. Albeit they shouldn’t be on full display when you first meet a person.
When you’re dating purposefully, you’re looking for your faith and values to coincide. You’re not overly judgmental of minor differences. Someone I knew began dating a guy who seemed perfect for her; however, she became critical of the way he dressed and how he wore his hair.
To an observer, such as myself, he looked fine. However, she told him he had to change these things to continue dating her. He didn’t, and the relationship ended. She tried to win him back, but it was too late. Being too critical of others may keep you single for a long time. Don’t major on minor things that are temporal and subject to change in time.
Try the Spirits
Believers are admonished not to believe every spirit. In other words, don’t be gullible by believing every word a person says when you meet them. Let time tell. While getting to know them, observe their ways and habits. Do they align with the values they say they have? Some people will lie to get what they want, so be aware that the smile that melts your heart may not be as genuine as it appears.
There is nothing wrong with planning to attend Christian events to gauge someone’s comfort in that world. The Bible teaches “watch and pray,” so we must always be aware of red flags or signs that someone is not as honest as they seem. Dating with intentionality means you’re willing to weed out those whose values aren’t consistent with your faith.
Have the Mind of Christ
Paul admonishes believers in Philippians 2:5 to have the mind of Christ. What kind of mind did Jesus have? He had a mind that was committed to God. When you are committed to God, you put Him first above all other things, even dating. You don’t tell God, “I’ve got this,” but you keep God’s word before you and walk in submission to it just as Christ did during His earthly ministry.
Having the mind of Christ means your thoughts are centered on God’s word. So, you must know the word. Knowledge of the word keeps you from being deceived by falsehood. People can let their guard down temporarily, but no one should live with their guard down permanently. It’ll lead to their destruction. David declared in Psalm 119:11, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.”
Take Practical Steps
As a person of faith, you are to have the mind of Christ, but that doesn’t mean you abandon common sense and practicality. Common sense is coexistent with the mind of Christ. It’s a gift given by God, use it. Prepare yourself for dating by making sure you’re not bringing excess emotional baggage into the relationship.
Don’t accuse others of not being a good catch if you’re not. Attend events where you’re likely to meet someone who shares your interests. It doesn’t hurt to do a little research by asking about them. For example, after meeting a co-worker, you could ask how they like working with them. Observe how they treat others, like restaurant servers. Be purposeful and practical.
If You Can See it, You Can Achieve It
Futuristically, if you see yourself happily married to the person of your dreams who shares your core values and faith, hold on to the vision. Don’t let it go. While dating, trust God to bring the right person into your life. And don’t settle. Don’t be unequally yoked, but be led by the Spirit. Remember to consider yourself, try the spirits, and have the mind of Christ. See it, believe it, then achieve it by faith.
