A love language conversation with your partner can make a difference in your relationship. The idea of love languages is a paradigm for discussing how people communicate about love. It is explored in The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. The author of this book is Gary Chapman, Ph.D.
As stated in the title, the book presents five different love communication styles called love languages. These languages include different ways that people show love. They also include ways people appreciate love being expressed. The first communication style is through words of affirmation. The second involves valuing quality time. The third focuses on showing love through acts of service. The fourth is expressing affection by giving thoughtful gifts. The fifth communication style is physical touch.
Love Language Framework
The mindbodygreen website states: “Not everyone communicates love in the same way.” In addition, people have different ways in which they most clearly receive love. Looking at love languages can be a helpful way to understand people’s love communication styles. This love communication framework was created by Gary Chapman, Ph.D. He provides an overview in The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.
Chapman presents love languages as systems of declaring and registering love within a relationship. There are five love communication systems in Chapman’s book. One is centered around words of affirmation. This love language involves verbal expressions of appreciation and affection. The second system of communication focuses on quality time. Spending quality time with someone can include being actively present and listening with attention.
The third is communication shown through acts of service. This love language involves kind and helpful actions. The fourth way of communicating love is through gifts. These gifts are appreciated for the considerate thoughts that they represent. The fifth communication style Chapman describes is physical touch. This can include experiencing feelings of love and caring based on being shown affection physically.
Communication Styles and Relationship Dynamics
People respond to and offer expressions of love in different ways. Checking in with people about how they give and receive love is important. According to Abundance Therapy Center, this “is essential for building deeper emotional connections.” Some people may welcome kind words. Others may appreciate a hug. Helpful actions or time carved out in your schedule may be important. Also, a gift may be seen as a sign of attention and care. Abundance Therapy Center explains that attention to love languages “creates a sense of being seen.” It can help you show that you appreciate and want to understand your partner.
How You Can Incorporate Love Language Understanding
One step you can take is figuring out how you communicate and receive love. Abundance Therapy Center explains this involves “identifying… specific ways you feel most valued and appreciated.” You can reflect on times you have felt taken care of or loved. You can consider what it was about the communication in these moments that you appreciated. This reflection can help you understand the forms of love communication you respond to. You can also reflect on moments you felt love or caring was missing. You can consider what communicative forms were not present at these points.
Another step you can take is learning about how your partner gives and expresses love. Taking time to learn this information can help you get to know your partner. According to Bayview Therapy, “understanding how our partner expresses love is vital.” This can help you more clearly understand your partner’s attempts to offer care. There may be expressions of love you would otherwise miss. Love can be shown in a variety of ways. In addition, understanding the forms of love communication your partner connects with is helpful. You can then offer your partner appreciated gestures of affection.
